The four types of cute guys in tutorial

Tutorial is the holy grail place to find attractive people at school because you’re forced to sit next to them and discuss stuff. Projecting way too much onto cute boys will solve all your problems. There are only four types of cute tutorial guys, but I swear you can fit all of them into one or more of these categories if you don’t look too deeply at their souls.

The Philosophy major with a capital ‘P’

Philosophy Guy’s hair is just a bit too long, bordering on shaggy but ending up artfully tousled instead. He’s also trying to grow out some facial hair with really mixed results. Every other class, he wears a patterned short-sleeve button-down, usually with one more button than necessary undone. You talked to him once and he mentioned his psychedelic funk band within the first minute. In class, he sits at the front with his Moleskine and fountain pen and really thinks hard about what the prof says, scrawling down random things but never taking notes when actually important stuff is on the slides. He wears scuffed Converse, or maybe Vans. If they’re absolutely falling apart, you know he’s actually a Philosophy specialist.

The human red flag

Red Flag is almost always late to tutorial. There’s only a 50 per cent chance he’ll even show up, but when he does, you melt a bit despite everything about him screaming ‘run far, far away’: his Supreme laptop sticker, his Chance hat with the ‘3’ on it, his white sneakers that are so white it’s actually suspicious. He leans back in his chair a lot in class and manspreads on occasion. The fuckboy vibes are strong with this one, but you can’t help it. Maybe it’s his messy (the hot kind of messy) hair. Maybe it’s his disturbingly large collection of nice hoodies that you can imagine yourself wearing. I’m sorry, but this is your life now. Seek help.

The walking J.Crew ad

This guy is like if you took an ad for J.Crew and then added even more hair pomade. If U of T had a rowing team for rich kids (dragon boating doesn’t count), he’d be on it. He might own more than one peacoat, and he’s generally well-groomed but still misses some stubble here or there. He’s a little bit too good with people and talks a lot, to the point where it’s truly shocking when the TA asks a question and he doesn’t immediately offer some crazy articulate answer. When other people answer a question or respond to what he says, he nods his head thoughtfully. He sticks mainly to button-ups and nice sweaters, but every now and then he breaks out that rowing blazer with confidence you wish you had. You really want to hate him but just can’t.

The quiet guy in the corner, but ohmygod his eYeS

Quiet Guy is really unassuming-looking in basically every way. He always goes straight for the back of the room and then just looks intensely at every person who speaks. He isn’t trying to stare or anything; his eyes are just that piercing. You can rarely find him in class because he sits by himself and blends into the crowd. When you speak up in tutorial, he looks at you and your actual identity shatters because he sees through everything you have ever said or done. His voice is probably super deep… but who’ll ever know?

3 thoughts on “The four types of cute guys in tutorial”

  1. I like to think of myself as number 4! Girls in my Pol101 Thursday 2pm tutorial, talk to me! I’m shy but I’d love to chat.

    Especially you, the girl with the deathly hallows tattoo, who always smells like cigarettes and taylor swift calogne (my favourite) when she comes in. You and I are the same. I’m certain. We’re like saturn and its rings. Forever together, but tragically apart.

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